


Snooze Alarm

by KB9VCN



Category: UTAU
Genre: Gen, Humor, One Shot, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-12
Updated: 2012-11-12
Packaged: 2018-08-29 15:08:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8494669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KB9VCN/pseuds/KB9VCN
Summary: Published 12-Nov-2012; humor; about 2200 words.
This contains slapstick violence and mild adult humor.  Reader discretion is advised.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Published 12-Nov-2012; humor; about 2200 words.
> 
> This contains slapstick violence and mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

All was still in Ruko's coffee house, which was closed for a holiday. The only sound was the soft snoring of a large dog which was incongruously wearing a red coat and sleeping on the floor by the front door.

Rook failed to stir as an argument was heard outside the front door. He continued to fail to stir when the owner of one of the voices pounded on the door and shouted. "RUKO!! WOULDJA OPEN THE DOOR!!"

Rook persisted in his failure to stir when a key rattled in the lock, and then, when the door suddenly swung open to reveal an angry Ritsu. An annoyed Teto and a psychotic but smiling Tei stood behind him.

"If you had a spare key," Ritsu said to Teto as he barged in, "why didn't you just say sooooOOOAH!!" * _WHAM!_ * He tripped over the unmoving Rook and fell flat on his face.

Teto giggled and pointed at Ritsu's bottom. "I see London, I see France," she said. "I see 'so fool's underpants."

"I can't help it if I turn you on," Ritsu said, not at all smoothly, as he struggled to stand in his wide skirt. But then, he realized that Rook was under him. "WHOAH! Nuh- nice doggie! Duh- don't bite me! I'm too pretty!"

Teto rolled her eyes. "I don't think you have anything to fear from Rook." To prove her point, she kneeled down, lifted Rook's head with both hands, and then let go. Rook's head fell back to the floor with a dull thud.

"Heck of a guard dog," Ritsu noted. "I wonder where his mistress is?"

"Asleep in her room, duh," Teto said, as she fondly petted Rook's head to make up for dropping it. She stood back up and grinned at Ritsu. "Do you really think Ruko would get up before noon on a day off by herself?"

"Point," Ritsu said. "You wanna head out without her, or do you wanna try to wake her up?"

"I can try to wake her up," Teto said, "but I make no promises. Think you can keep everything under control for a minute?"

Ritsu and Teto turned back to look at Tei, who was not having one of her better days. The insane girl was stabbing her own shadow with one of her largest knives, carving a fairly large hole in one wall in the process.

"I'm not paying to repair that," Ritsu said.

"I wonder if Ruko's business insurance covers acts of _yandere_ ," Teto thought out loud.

—

Teto climbed the small narrow staircase that led to Ruko's coffee-house attic bedroom. She had visited with her best friend Ruko many times before, since Ruko lived alone (no one knew where Rook actually lived).

She stood in the tiny doorway of the cozy bedroom, looking over the furnishings. With one exception, Ruko was quite frugal, despite the fact that she was both a successful business-person and a skilled gambler.

The one exception was Ruko's bed. Since she spent so much of her free time sleeping (and since she had trouble finding a futon large enough for her towering height), Ruko had bought the largest and most comfortable bed she could find.

Teto walked up to the bed, wondering once again how Ruko had wrestled the huge bedsprings into the small attic. _Maybe Gumi helped her get it in here_ , Teto thought, _although Ruko is perfectly capable of ridiculously impossible feats by herself_.

She reached out and gently shook the Ruko-shaped lump under the blankets. "Ruko?" she said quietly. "Sorry to wake you. Ritsu and Tei are here too. We thought maybe we could do something together today."

Ruko didn't move.

Teto shook her shoulder again. "C'mon, Ruko, wake up." she said.

Ruko still didn't move.

Suddenly out of patience, Teto growled, leaned in over Ruko's pillow, and shrieked at her head. "RUKO! WAKEY WAKEY! RISE AND SHINE! UP AND AT 'EM!"

Ruko finally responded, rolling over to face Teto, but she was still asleep. Her arm swung up from under her blanket, and her hand flopped over the bed's edge.

Teto impatiently grabbed Ruko's wrist and yanked on it. "GET UP GET UP GET UUUUUP!" she yelled in a childish rage.

Ruko mumbled something in her sleep— and she suddenly pulled free from Teto, and then grabbed Teto's wrist herself.

Teto froze. "...guh?" she said.

* _YOINK!_ *

Before she could even blink, Teto was spun around and pulled under Ruko's blanket, as if Ruko were a magician yanking a tablecloth from under several dishes, only in reverse. Teto found herself face-to-face with her sleeping friend.

Teto's first thought was perfectly understandable. _Ruko,_ she thought, _PLEASE tell me you're wearing pajamas, or sweat pants, or shorts, or SOMETHING! Not that there's anything WRONG with that, but I don't wanna experience it PERSONALLY!..._

She relaxed as she felt Ruko's trousers against her own bare legs. _Silly Ruko_ , she thought. _I guess you were so tired last night that you didn't even change... You are so fool._

And then, Teto look at Ruko's sleeping face. She blushed slightly to be so close to Ruko's strong yet feminine features, and to feel Ruko's warm breath on her own cheek.

_OK, this is just a little bit weird_ , Teto thought. She tried to scoot away from Ruko, push the blanket away and get out of the bed.

But then, Ruko wrapped her arms around Teto and pulled her into a hug. "...don' go, Teto," she said in her sleep. "...love you..."

Teto's face went as red as her hair. "Um— uh—" she stammered as she squirmed in Ruko's arms. "I, uh, love you too, but we really need to get up now— URK!!"

Ruko was still asleep, but she was suddenly upset, as if she were acting out a bad dream. "Please!" she gasped. "Don't leave... don' wanna be 'lone... please..."

Teto didn't answer. Ruko had tightened her grip on Teto's torso, so much that she couldn't draw a proper breath. And Teto realized that she was in serious trouble.

In an open and unarmed fight, few were a match for Teto, thanks to her half-chimera heritage, and the clumsy and lumbering Ruko was no exception. But no one, not even a half-chimera, could match Ruko's inhuman strength.

Teto whimpered, wriggled ineffectually, and felt Ruko's grip tighten even further. She heard (and felt) cracking sounds in her poor little body. She prayed that it was only her joints popping, and not actual fractures in her bones.

Mercifully, Ruko finally opened her mismatched eyes. "...oh," she said as she relaxed her arms. "What're you doin' here, Teto?"

"HHHNNNNNGH!" Teto gasped for air.

Ruko giggled. "You're so funny, Teto! Oh, I'm so glad you're here! I was having a bad dream, and—"

"And I was having your bad dream too," Teto said angrily. "Do you think we could get up now?"

"Oh, let's not," Ruko said eagerly. "This is nice. Let's stay like this for awhile."

"Seriously?" Teto asked. "Haven't you had enough sleep yet?"

Ruko frowned. "'Enough sleep'... I know what those two words mean separately, but when you use them together, I can't understand them."

"Ruko, we have to get up sometime," Teto said.

"I guess so," Ruko said. "But you know how, when you don't have to get up at a specific time, you can just drift in and out of sleep? And time doesn't pass anymore, and it just kind of hangs there in the air? And the bed and the pillows are so comfortable? And you feel like you don't have anything to worry about, and everything is going to be alright?"

"...yeah?" said Teto, feeling herself being drawn in by Ruko's words.

"Let's do that together," Ruko said. "Everything's even better with your best friend."

"...well, OK, for a few minutes," Teto said, despite herself. "It is a day off, after all—"

Ruko squeezed Teto again. "You're the best, Teto!" she cried happily.

"NOT ENJOYING THE SQUEEZING!" Teto cried. "THE SQUEEZING IS NOT ENJOYABLE!"

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Ruko moved one arm around Teto's waist, and held Teto's head in her other hand. "Are you OK?"

Teto blushed furiously again. "Since when were you all hands and grabbing and touching and feeling?" she said.

"I like holding you and feeling you," Ruko said matter-of-factly. "Human touch is a comfort for everybody. But I'm not trying to do anything sexual. I mean, unless you want to be 'friends with benefits' . That's OK with me too."

Teto was taken aback by Ruko's bluntness, despite having been Ruko's best friend. "Erm... I don't think Len would like that very much," she stammered nervously.

"Actually," Ruko said with uncharacteristic worldliness, "I think he would like it very much. But if you don't want that, then let's just snuggle up and snooze, 'kay?"

"'Kay," said Teto. She was still overwhelmed by everything that had happened. Ruko was hugging her much more gently than before, and still holding Teto's head, she snuggled Teto into her shoulder and against her chest.

To her own surprise, Teto no longer felt either embarrassed nor endangered. The way Ruko was holding her head was strangely comforting. It was protective in an almost maternal way. And Ruko's bed was very warm.

Ruko almost immediately fell back into deep sleep. Despite a full night's sleep and her own sugary hyper nature, Teto felt as if Ruko were also drawing her into sleep, as if Ruko's body had its own gravitational force.

_This really is nice_ , Teto thought to herself sleepily. _And I really do feel like I don't have anything to worry about_...

... _no, wait. There IS something, isn't there? I'm sure I've forgotten something. Oh, what was it?_...

"My my my," a familiar voice said smugly. "I leave the two of you alone for five minutes, and I find you like this?"

"Aw, nuts," said Teto. "Wake up, Ruko. Again. Ritsu's here."

* _SNORE_ * said Ruko, completely failing to wake up again at all.

"Sorry, Ritsu," said Teto. "I think I'm going to be here awhile. But you and Tei can go on without us, if you want."

Ritsu was strangely silent for a moment. "...tell you what, Teto," he said softly. "I won't tell anybody about this, as long as you don't tell anybody about what I'm about to do."

"Whahuh?" said Teto. She turned back in the bed, as far as she could in Ruko's grip, and was barely able to see Ritsu at the edge of her vision. "Hey! What ARE you doing!?"

Ritsu had already pulled down his skirt, and he was removing his blouse. "Oh, relax," he said. "I might be a social outcast and a bully, but even *I* know a cuddle party when I see it. And I want to play too, but I can't get into bed with these clothes."

After stripping down to his shorts and undershirt, Ritsu raised Ruko's blanket and climbed into bed. He pushed himself up against Teto's back, and with uncharacteristic tenderness, he hugged Teto from behind.

"Well, aren't you all touchy-feely, all of a sudden," Teto said, still without turning. "We all know Ruko is a _dere_ - _dere_ , but I'm really not used to this kind of attention from you."

"Aw, what are you complaining about?" Ritsu said, breathing against Teto's ear. "After all, you're the center of this threesome— er, two-and-a-half-some. No offense, Ruko."

* _SNORE_ * said Ruko, apparently taking no offense.

"Anyway," Ritsu said, "Since we're, uh, like this now? I just, uh, wanted to, uh, say that... well, that is, uh... well, you know."

Teto felt for Ritsu's hand around her waist, and gave it a squeeze. "I know," she said. "I love you too, you big stupid-head."

For the second time, Teto felt herself begin to drift back into sleep. Ruko was out like a light. Ritsu was still awake, but he was still and silent, and Teto was enjoying the warmth of his body against hers as well.

_I'm not sure how this happened_ , Teto thought, _but... I'm glad it did. I haven't felt this warm, this safe, this... loved, since... well, since ever. I hope we really can do this more often_.

_So sleepy... mmm..._

_...no, wait. Am I still forgetting something? Why can't I ever just relax?_ —

* _RIIIIIIIP!_ *

An impossibly sharp blade plunged through Ruko's blanket like butter, stopping only millimeters above Teto's face. Very suddenly, Teto, Ritsu and Ruko were all awake.

The knife slowly moved down along Teto's side, cleanly splitting the blanket like a laser weapon. Three pairs of wide eyes in various colors watched the blade move.

Tei stood over the now-exposed threesome, looking down at them with an empty smile, murder in her eyes, and her knife still in her hand. She giggled as she spoke.

"I was just wondering, hee hee," Tei said, "if I could make myself some breakfast, hee hee, and a pot of coffee, hee hee."

Ritsu and Teto were too terrified to speak. Even the usually unflappable Ruko had trouble answering. "Thuh- that shuh- shouldn't be a puh- problem," she said timidly.

"I can bring some up, hee hee, if you don't mind decaf, hee hee," Tei said. "Regular coffee makes me TENSE and IRRITABLE, hee hee."

"Decaf shouldn't matter," Ruko said, "After that wake-up call, I doubt whether any of us will ever be able to sleep again."


End file.
